What Saved My First Year of Teaching (Hint: It's Jesus)

My room on June 1st. *heavy breathing*

As I sit down in Chicago O'Hare Airport once more, I consider how much has changed not only since the last time I posted to this blog (more on my absence later), but also since flying over to Taiwan. I reread my "Goodbye America" post and noticed that God used John 15 in ways I never would have imagined.

Let's backtrack.

A few weeks after my Dad visited in October, I hit a metaphorical wall. I was emotionally and spiritually drained. My health was being negatively affected by my stress as well. It felt as though I had nothing to give my students, and I couldn't figure out why. I ended up seeing a trusted Christian mentor and discussing what was going on for 2 hours straight. By the end of that first conversation, God opened up my eyes to a few things:

1. I had wrapped up my worth in how "good" I was at teaching.
2. I had found busyness in teaching instead of purpose in teaching.
3. I believed my students' salvation was up to me.
4. He may have sent me to Taiwan in part to bring me closer to him.
5. The idea that Jesus could be pleased with me at that moment was impossible to me.

In the weeks that followed, we unpacked those horrible patterns of behavior and thinking that put me in that October pit, and each week, that mentor gave me a reading assignment in John. I got to know John 12-17 very well by the end of that time, but John 15 was the chapter that we used first. She wanted me to catch that we are the branches on Christ, the vine, the giver of our life and sustenance ("...apart from me, you can do nothing."). She wanted me to see what Jesus wanted for me  ("Remain in me..."), and suddenly, I couldn't get enough of scripture.

It was like I'd been breathing dry airport air for a month and got my first drink of water with a green mountain breeze. I actually looked forward to reading my Bible. That hadn't happened since I was in middle school.

Sun Moon Lake from a ferry boat was even more pristine.

I started journalling my prayers to keep my mind from drifting to work. I took my school email and apps off of my phone. My mentor made a schedule of work versus relaxing and got me to stick with it. I joined the 40-Hour Teacher Workweek Club. I looked for opportunities to connect with students rather than merely catch them doing wrong or turning in assignments late. I kept journalling and reading. Our superintendent, Tim McGill, brought a box of devotional books to us one day in the spring, and I chose Streams in the Desert to start reading that as well.

The last 7 months of school were far and away better than those first 3. Part of that is the benefit of teaching and getting to "try, try again" every day. The other part of that is due to the perspective God gave me through the wisdom of mentors and fellow teachers.

The Ladies Retreat MAK staff!

HS Banquet, 2017. It was a costume banquet, in case you were wondering why we have a jersey, a Phantom and Christine, and an Elizabethan (me).

If my students' salvation were up to me, I wouldn't let them leave after the final exam until I had beaten enough scripture over their head to change their minds. Luckily, the Holy Spirit calls us and draws us to Himself. Every teacher at MAK is a gardener, but we don't all see the harvest. Seeds planted in 5th grade may not grow until their junior year.

At the end of the day, though, we can't force growth. We can encourage and nurture it, but the fact that most of my 9th graders this year were non-Christian no longer keeps me up at night. Instead of keeping me up at night, I keep my students in my prayers, especially as they go quite literally all over the world this summer. I build trust and relationships with those students in the classroom, and one by one, I look for thirst in their hearts... I point them to the living water. Jesus said, "Anyone who is thirsty may come to me!" (John 7:37b)

I had stopped letting God define me and began defining myself based on expectations for me from others and from myself. I'll probably struggle with this again as a teacher, but for now, I'm remembering that I am a daughter of the King of Kings first and foremost before I am an English teacher, a HS teacher, an advisor, a sponsor, or anything else. I'm realizing every step of this journey that God sometimes sends people to do something so that he can bring them back into his arms tighter. I learned more about my emotional tendencies and temptations this year than in any other year of my life. I had to cling to God and let Him hold me. How much safer could I have been?

I'll have a longer post later highlighting all of the best moments from my first year in Taiwan, but for now, know this:

The thirst-quencher is waiting for you.


Now, I'm gonna go buy a McDonald's Sweet Tea.



P.S. I'm going to miss Jon & Grace McDillon, Kathy and Graham Henwood, Regan Muir, and Brianna Zrinsky (teachers who left MAK this year) like crazy. I'll also miss everyone else for the summer. BUT OH FAMILY TIME!!!!! :)

The Ladies Retreat at Sun Moon Lake was a blast, even more so because of Mckenzie Taylor and Grace McDillon!